167_Chapter Three – Day 13 continued

I realize this turn to the left is just like the others, but I have misinterpreted its meaning somewhat. It is a place where Amber finds her safety, but it is a direction created by her ego. This direction simply leads deep into her story and even deeper into the denial of truth. The path to truth is always straight within her, and I feel she must have lost her connection here for a time.

I am not surprised by the misstep. The fact she has made it this far along the journey is a credit to her purity. All of us falter along the way. I know she initially designed this direction as a trap, but I do not feel fear. It would not be uncommon for her to want me to ‘go away, permanently.’ I am, of course changing all of the rules, rules she spent a lifetime creating. It is human nature that calls us to rebel against those who create structure in our lives. However, only our mature self understands our desire for order, especially amidst our rebellion. I am accustomed to working with those who cling tightly to their life here and attempt detours from the truth. Amber’s desire ‘to end me,’ so she can feel control again, even if it is only a false and fleeting truth, is understandable. It doesn’t surprise me. I might even have been surprised if she had bypassed what is becoming a ritual.

As we continue, I see the corridor turn again to the right. In the process of creating this cave, as Amber came to this place, she must have found her faith and decided she did want to find her way home. I can sense a little discomfort and embarrassment as we pass through the evidence of her humanity. While most of us get to make these detours in the privacy of our prayers, Amber must walk with me as I witness a moment of her being very human. Though I walk through this place and feel no judgment, I can see she judges herself harshly. She had intended to lead me astray. Then, of course, she reached the point where she came back to herself and realized she would be at peace than ‘be right.’ So, she once again let go of her ego and began to rediscover her faith.

We continue beyond the turn and come to a place where the tunnel becomes very dark. I sense the uncultivated aspects of her being here. They are all bound to a great deal of fear. The pain is palpable and nearly unbearable in this place. The air is burdened and thick with its suffering. As we walk, my clothes are drenched with it, making each step I take heavy. This must be where she released what bound her. I sense the many fears she left behind here. They cling to the walls and hide in the corners, looking out at us, searching for a new host. In her infinite wisdom, Amber does not stop to reconsider it. She does not pause to pick up the loss again. She walks past the pain she has released. Her heart is free of this burden.

While she continues through the black night and into her light, I pass through the pain with a great deal of focus, making a mental note to cleanse the tunnel upon my return. Looking back along our journey, I realize the passageway is a perfect story of her prayers. She has spent her time alone, wisely performing the process of self-healing. She has found her way home.

Finally, she comes to a door. From the darkest of places emerges the whitest of lights. Amber does not move into the light. The light emanates from her and expands until she stands in its center. Through her own experience, she has created this pure white light, just from being. 

I walk forward with her, into her light, to stand by her side. Then, I do what I have never done. I do not stand in the doorway and watch her move along her path to the other side. Today, I cross the threshold with her, and we travel to her next destination together.