28_Analysis Notes – 7/22/2020 – The perception of support

I begin today’s blog with an apology to those who follow me. I had some modifications to my start date and work schedule that were unexpected. I expect to have my schedule regulated again by the end of the day today.

Thank you for your patience. We will now continue with our evaluation.

I mark this moment as the first time since her childhood that the subject has accepted help from anyone who has not expected something in return. However, she’s not conscious of it. Being in a state of crisis drives her desperation, and her willingness to accept the help.

This will be a significant step in her recovery. The ability to accept the appropriate help, help that supports her in transcending class will be critical to her success. To achieve growth beyond the first stage of development, she will need guidance. She doesn’t know the rules of the new upper-class ecosystems.

Traditionally, we believed they must be taught to her step by step. This method began with her therapist continuously challenging her confirmation biases. It is an arduous, incremental, and often painful journey to recount your painful experiences and limited perspectives. The process of then having them analyzed, so a clinician can repeatedly tell you how wrong you are about everything can be brutal. For our subject, it seemed a godsend. Her early environment was verbally abusive and exclusive. She often felt unheard and inconsequential. The therapeutic process did offer a place to be validated, and it did teach her it was better to be happy than to be correct. By continually challenging her perspectives, she experienced significant growth. However, it was still morally crushing in its own way.

It was the therapeutic process that taught her she would never be whole. They diagnosed her as permanently scarred, with an ongoing need for medication that, while it did help, also hindered her life significantly. It was the right thing at the right time, but it eventually demanded that she “find a better role model or parent.”

Group therapy transformed her learning structure. She now had the opportunity to learn through peer support and find connections that understood her better through having suffered similar personal experiences. The validation of the group was the second critical moment on her journey. The first was finding a role model to replace the role of parent she lacked as a child. The second was an opportunity to escape the model of “need” prevalent in the first stage of development. Her growth into her group therapy tribe allowed her to have confidence enough to leave the nest and enter the second stage of development.

This decision may seem an insignificant moment for most, but for her, it will be monumental. She is no longer alone. She now has a tribe, and it is one she can trust, one that has come to her aid in this moment of need with real help. This is not a person who will take advantage of her or try to control her. They are there to offer honest, authentic support to a person in suffering.

This is an entirely new experience for her, particularly from a peer, and like with any parent, it will have a dramatic impact on her trajectory.