54_Analysis Notes – Ancestral Languages

Nature is always attempting to reconcile its discrepancies. Before any process can be entirely successful, we must trust it and ourselves in it.
As we grow, we learn to be who we are. We write the rules of our lives from our parents, friends, society, and especially from the recesses of our own minds. All of this comes together to form a ‘definition.’ No two people are alike; we can be similar and even eerily close, but never are we identical. Even those born of the same egg, have their own way about them. What a brilliant and beautiful truth this is. We get to be ourselves.

For some, this can feel like the blessing of all blessings, while others might experience it as a curse. Either way, life generally seems like a thing only we can comprehend, and can have intricacies even we don’t fathom. We often don’t understand ourselves or others because most of us live by rules which are very, very old. Many of them are generations old, some of them centuries or even millennia, handed down through families like heirlooms we don’t even know we possess.

The beautiful thing about this journey is; regardless of how old or how established the rules we’ve accepted are, we aren’t required to keep them, and even better, we don’t need to know what they are to shed our lives of them. Our subject spent years in therapy learning how to recognize and face the stories she told herself, and she is so grateful she did, but this new process she has engaged is not therapy. She will not examine or evaluate anything. She will not dig up the past or make a journey to find the future. She is now releasing the stories she no longer wants to embrace the stories she does.

Our subject faced a challenging process in therapy, not knowing what to release. Initially, she couldn’t see beyond her own life enough to know there was anything to release. She had a long list of things she wanted but didn’t fully understand what she needed to release to get there. Her own psyche became walls she would hit every time she tried. She failed because she didn’t know how to identify and replace the old rules. This is why we need therapists. We have only vague notions of the life we want to live, trying to change and keep things the same. A genuinely new existence was beyond her comprehension. It’s beyond any of us. It is akin to me trying to speak a foreign language you have never been taught. We expect to know it, and yet, how can we? We have no mental equivalent for real change. So, we often settle for slight modifications.

Trying to change can be a slow and arduous process. We often fall back into old habits without even realizing it. I honor those of you who have fought and scratched and clawed their way to living a reasonably gratifying existence. You deserve accolades for your efforts. I don’t know if you found everything you desire, but our subject never really reached the life she knew she deserved, and through the traditional therapeutic methods, she never would.

It is essential to recognize the foundation it laid for her. She is where she is today because she took that journey. She needed to learn to accept the new narrative. Though she did have the answers within her the entire time, they wouldn’t work until she within the language that would recognize them. She was successful with the work the way it was given to her, but eventually, she needed to find a more efficient way to redefine herself.

We all want to expedite our processes, but we must gain access to words we do not know when learning a new language. Additionally, if we are to accelerate our results, we need to do it in a way not available through traditional therapeutic methods. We must find a way to live the language we want to speak without using the language we currently speak.

As the opportunity presents itself to our subject, it happens by chance, the way many miracles do. It happened when her guard is down, and her heart is open. Like the fleeting moments she experienced savoring spring on an apartment balcony or a quiet porch after an overdose, she has met her potential again. Through the story of an ancestor and his unrelenting devotion to a woman he loves, she sees a new narrative of men and within them, the potential of who she could become. All of the things she knew about love were true. They were just warped by stories that couldn’t comprehend them.